(all the glitz and glamour) and baby you're a liar
by tysunkete
Summary: AU. Oneshot. One in which Kanda is a stripper and Lavi totally doesn't believe him. Be warned: A lot of swearing. Gratuitous fail smut, but they somehow manage it. Somehow. LaviYuu.


Title: (all the glitz and glamour) and baby you're a liar  
Fandom: DGM  
Character/Pairings: Lavi/Kanda  
Warnings: dumb hot dweebs, dirty language  
Summary: AU. Oneshot. One in which Kanda is a stripper and Lavi totally doesn't believe him. LaviYuu. Be warned: A lot of swearing. Gratuitous fail smut, but they somehow manage it. Somehow.

* * *

"So," Lavi begins, and Kanda knows that anything that comes out of the redhead's mouth is absolute shit. "I heard a little something from a little birdie—"

"That's stupid—birds can't talk," Kanda says flatly, swiping the last piece of pizza as he makes move to stand up from the couch.

"Nuh-uh, Yuu, sit down," Lavi grabs the back on his shirt and clings on, and Kanda has no choice but to sit.

The other consequence is that Lavi has no qualms tearing his shirts—it's _experience_ from living with the fucking asshole for the past year. Why Kanda even thought it might be an okay idea to room with his closest friend (title still debatable) in college is a mystery—he questions his life choices all the time.

"As I was saying, I heard a little something that I need you to clarify for me."

"What?"

Lavi takes an obnoxiously long time to chew his pizza, licking his fingers after. Kanda grimaces in disgust, though he eats a mouth of his last slice.

"Are you a stripper?"

Kanda chokes, hand slapping against his chest. He puts the slice down before he drops it.

"No, really. Are you?"

"What—what the fuck?" Kanda manages, scowling after he forces himself to swallow.

"Hmm," Lavi hums, completely calm. "I thought so too. Daisya's such a fucking liar. As if you could ever be a stripper," he chuckles to himself, amused. "Hey, have you done the essay due next Thursday? Can I take a look?"

"No, and no, you fucking lazy idiot. Write your own shit. And what about the fucking asshole?"

Kanda doesn't understand why Lavi and his foster brother hang out even though they're worlds apart—Daisya is a soccer coach for some school that is definitely not even in the vicinity of their college—Kanda doesn't remember how they even _met_.

"Come on Yuu, I'm not gonna plagiarize your thing, I just need…ideas," Lavi says carefully, smiling. "I'll tell you what your bro said if you give me your essay."

"Fine, whatever," Kanda crosses his arms.

Lavi blinks. "That was easy."

"I'm leaving."

"Wait—wait," Lavi props himself up hastily. "Okay. So, I was kinda curious about your current part time job since you don't wanna tell me. I know you were a cashier, security sitter—"

"Guard—"

"—you're not licenced, and you did some museum archiving thing a couple of months ago, but then you broke a fossil and got fired," Lavi grins.

"Fucking kids."

"Whatever helps you deal with it," the redhead shrugs. "Then you got another job pretty quickly after that, yeah? With pretty damn good pay too," he eyes Kanda's shirt—fuck you, Kanda scowls, because Lavi obviously knows how much his goddamn shirts cost and still insists on making finger marks on them—"And you know my gramps isn't too hot about giving me cash—"

"Will you get to the fucking point?" Kanda scowls, arms crossed.

"Sheesh, so impatient," Lavi huffs. "As I was saying, I need money," he looks at Kanda pointedly.

"They won't want you," Kanda says immediately.

"Ouch?" Lavi frowns, palming over his heart. "Why, is it because you're working for a strip joint? But in that case, they'd totally want me."

"What about fucking Daisya?" Kanda ignores the quip and grinds out.

"I was getting to that," the redhead sniffs. "Well, since you are so hush-hush about your night prostitution job, I asked Daisya about it," he shrugs. "He said you work down at the uh, gay stripping joint—_Man of Steel_ or something, and he really had me believing for a split second," he grins, shaking his head. "I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die. Oh man, best joke of the century."

Kanda narrows his eyes. "…What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh come on, you? _Yuu_? Stripping?" Lavi coughs, threatening to choke on laughter. "I mean, just because you're gay and hot doesn't mean all hot gay dudes are automatically qualified to strip."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Kanda repeats, scowl getting darker.

Lavi raises an eyebrow at him with the most shit eating smirk. "You can't dance."

"Says who?"

"Yeah? Show me," Lavi challenges. "Every time we went clubbing you blended in with the wall. A+ ninja skills by the way, I've never given you a gold star for that."

"Fuck off," Kanda scoffs. "You know absolute shit. Dancing isn't necessary."

"…Necessary," Lavi repeats slowly, incredulous. "_Necessary_? Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I'm not saying anything," Kanda grumbles and makes to stand up again, except fucking Lavi has no respect for his fucking shirts.

"Wait, wait, back the fuck up—_wait_," Lavi grips his shirt tighter. "You're fucking serious?"

"Fucking Daisya," Kanda grinds out. "So _what_?" he spits out, annoyed.

"A stripper? Really?" Lavi blinks, expression lost. "Like, someone who strips their clothes? For money? I don't fucking believe you—you don't even take off your shirt at home!"

"That's because you're a fucking pervert!"

"Excuse you, I'm not the one into dicks!"

"So? It doesn't make you any less of a whore."

Lavi pouts, affronted. "Hey, just because I brought a girl home that one time—"

"Five," Kanda grinds out, heavily resigned as he rubs his temples. "Five fucking times you fucking asshole—"

"Okay, okay, I admit, that was my fault, but we're getting off topic," Lavi accedes, raising his hands. "I'm more interested in the fact that you actually work as a _stripper_?" his tone pitches higher in incredulity. "You _dance_ on stage? You—"

"I told you the dancing isn't fucking necessary!"

"No, no, no, oh fuck no," Lavi coughs, laughter slipping through. "You're telling me you give lap dances?"

The redhead looks at Kanda's body first, but when it goes up in a slow show to the other's darkened face, he roars into laughter. "Oh god, oh god, I can't breathe—" Lavi wheezes, tears leaking out of his eye. "Oh my fucking god, I'm gonna die—" he gasps, clutching his stomach.

Kanda sours at the continuous fits of giggles, and he kicks Lavi in the ribs.

"OW—FUCK—" Lavi coughs, toppling to the floor. "Ow," he gives a pointed look towards Kanda but giggles uncontrollably again.

"What's so fucking funny?" Kanda growls.

"Just imaging you doing a lap dance," Lavi shakes his head, grinning. "With that sourpuss expression. How much tips do you earn with that, lovely?"

"Enough to buy my fucking shirts," Kanda looks at him pointedly, and Lavi gives Kanda's shirt a disgruntled scowl.

"I still don't believe you," Lavi huffs. "I need to see it."

"I am not giving you a lap dance," Kanda states immediately.

"Come on," the redhead smirks. "If you prove me wrong I'll…I'll uh, I'll give you a blowjob. I'm straight, so you know that this is something really special from me."

Kanda grimaces. "I don't want one from you, asshole," he sneers back, stalking off. "And I'm not letting you read my essay."

"Hey—"

The door to Kanda's door slams shut. Lavi scrambles up.

"Hey, Yuu, that wasn't fair! Yuu!"

* * *

"I still don't believe you or Yuu," Lavi shakes his head. "This has got to be a joke."

"The joke's on you, dude," Daisya yanks him forward harder by the neck. "I'm straighter than you are and Yuu's like my lil' bro _and_ I'll still admit that Yuu's fucking hot. He's the prime specimen for a stripper!"

"I'm not arguing with that, I'm arguing with the idea of Kanda-_black-face_-Yuu providing a _service_!" Lavi rolls his eye. "If Yuu's not interested in someone he basically glares the balls off whomever it is and fuck, I've seen dudes _cry_ from that!"

"Yeah, but who's to say he _isn't_ interested in stripping?"

"Seriously?"

"How else is he gonna fund his bitchin' shirt collection?"

"Your dad is fucking rich!" Lavi cries, incredulous, but then he sighs. "Yeah, no, I guess you're right."

"You guess? Yuu won't touch a fucking cent from the old man," Daisya snorts. "The proof is all right here," he gestures to brightly lit sign board, flashing _Man of Steel_ in bright white.

Lavi casts his glance around, startled at the line of people queuing off to one side, and then he realises he's standing on a literal red carpet.

"Is this supposed to be this fancy?"

Daisya shrugs. "Kinda. I'm not an expert, it's only my second time here. Oh hey, 'sup, Marie," he grins, fist bumping a large man decked in a suit with sunglasses.

Marie nods and shifts his glance to Lavi curiously.

Daisya cocks his head. "This is Lavi."

"Pleasure," Marie says, and offers his hand.

Lavi takes it, keeping his stoic cool when his hand literally gets _crushed_ in the strong hold. Daisya howls with laughter as they are let in inside.

"Don't take it personally, dude, Marie was testing you."

"What for?" Lavi winces, winging out his hand.

"You live with our little bro, he's a little suspicious of that."

"_Our_?"

"Yeah, Marie's the oldest," Daisya explains. "How do you think I got us in here? What, are you heartbroken your dubious "best friend" in fucking forever—of coming to two years—didn't tell you he had another brother?"

Lavi huffs. "…Maybe."

"You're so gay with him, dude, I don't get why _you're_ not banging Yuu," Daisya scoffs.

"Because I'm straight?" Lavi rolls his eye. "Wait, your older bro is okay with Yuu being a stripper? More importantly, your _dad_ okay with this?"

Daisya waves it off. "Marie's always in the security business, and he got this job when he found out Yuu was stripping. Naturally, Yuu was pissed, but hey," he shrugs. "He made a deal. If Marie doesn't tell the old man that he's working here, Marie can stay and act out his protective feelings. But then Yuu didn't say Marie couldn't tell _me_, and here we are."

They come to a stop at a curtained entrance, and Daisya flings it back.

Lavi has been to strip joints—_shh_—but not a gay strip joint. He supposes there isn't anything different about it: a stage, circular tables with chairs around, though, it's a lot of more classy than any he has been. He eyes the stocked up bar at the back—oh yeah, definitely more classy.

Daisya pulls him to a table near to the front, guaranteed to have Kanda notice them, and calls for drinks. As Daisya enjoys his beer, Lavi takes a curious look around, from the suited up businessmen occupying other tables around and the admittedly, rather tasteful décor. Stripping, huh. He squints at the stage and he almost chokes himself chuckling trying to imagine Kanda giving his _grand_ _entrance_.

What was Yuu going to do? Scowl and take his shirt off?

And then scowl some more?

"Dude, you're gonna asphyxiate if you keep sniggering like that," Daisya cocks his head. "You know what, since you're such an unbeliever, fifty bucks says you're hard at the end of his show."

"Woah, back up," Lavi raises an eyebrow. "Yuu is hot, but he's not _that_ hot. It's not gonna happen."

"Yeah?" the older smirks. "Then it's easy cash, right? Fifty. I fucking dare you."

"Deal," Lavi clasps Daisya's hand in agreement.

As if on cue, the light dims, and a spot light focuses on stage. A slow soothing melody plays and the curtains on stage draws back to reveal and bare-bodied male—with short hair. It's not Kanda but Lavi watches anyway, intrigued. The guy snaps his fingers in accordance with the beat, moving forwards slowly with his other hand brushing his neck and pressing it down his chest, over his finely chiselled abdominal muscles and then lingers on the edge of his pants.

Wolf whistles sound about as the man smirks, music tempo rising just slightly.

Very slowly he unbuttons his pants sensually, and Daisya nods approvingly. "I saw this guy the other time too," he murmurs, taking another sip of his beer. "Actually they're all pretty fucking good, just too bad it's not my thing," he sends Lavi a grin. "Hard yet?"

"Not even close," Lavi rolls his eye, taking the first drink from his glass. "But yeah, he's good."

The show goes on with much less clothing, pleased calls, some grinding at the other side of the audience floor before the stripper saunters off the stage after with notes stuffed into his briefs, saluting a deep bow with smirk before he disappears.

"How's that for your virgin gay opening?"

"Not bad," Lavi admits. "How much do they earn, anyway?"

Daisya shrugs. "They get to keep all of their tips as far as I know, on top of a pretty fucking decent salary too."

"Huh. Then wouldn't everyone want to get a job here?"

"Would you?"

"Hell yeah."

"You're not even gay."

"So what?" Lavi blinks. "It's just stripping, not prostitution. Fuck, is this really how Yuu gets his boss shirts?"

"From what Marie tells me, you gotta be scouted to work here," Daisya explains. "No applications. No auditions. You gotta be _invited_."

"Huh. What if you _suck_ at stripping? Ahem—Yuu—ahem," Lavi smirks.

"They teach you. Probably. Yuu was pretty good."

"Like I'd take your word for it."

"Fifty bucks, Red," Daisya smirks wider and turns his smug expression to the stage when the lights dim again.

This time, it's completely silent and Lavi isn't prepared to see Kanda standing on stage.

Well, yeah, Daisya's been drilling it into his head for weeks that his best friend is a legitimate _stripper_—and he's sort of accepted that maybe Kanda works at a strip club on some of his nights, but nothing of that prepares him for the fact that the guy he shares a flat with is standing on a stage in a gay strip club in town.

Kanda is dressed—to a certain extent. His hair is pulled back in its usual ponytail and he wears a thick black collar around his back with a black vest that dips low, and leather pants that clings on to his legs. Lavi really expects Kanda to break out in dance at some point—wasn't there some movie about stripping recently?—but the silence continues as Kanda puts his first foot forward, face blank but confident.

Kanda just walks, but Lavi stares at the way Kanda's hips are swaying, and it seems like everyone is too, because it's just silence, silence, and silence.

"Fuck me," he hears someone utter from the back, complete with a low growl of agreement. "I would so let him fuck me."

Lavi isn't aware that it's too stifling until he unbuttons the second button of his shirt and gives it a quick pull for air.

Kanda reaches the front of the stage, carefully surveying the audience, and it's inevitable that he catches sight of Lavi (and Daisya grinning) looking at him from their table. Immediately Kanda blinks in incredulity but he probably remembers that he's on stage and the expression soothes into something more like a dangerous smirk.

Lavi knows that Kanda is absolutely fucking _pissed_ and he's probably going to pay for it.

"Oh this is going to be so good," Daisya murmurs, winking at Lavi.

Lavi would retort, but his words get stuck in his throat when his eye catches the sight of Kanda fiddling with the top button of his vest and pops it out.

An anticipated whistle follows.

And another.

Kanda's slim fingers make work of his top and he pushes his shoulders back to take it off slowly, craning his neck to flash the unblemished skin at the crowd. Loud music suddenly blares through speakers and the audience screams, dark and hungry. Lavi jumps at the unexpected noise and nearly falls off his seat, but Daisya is gripping his arm for balance.

"Fuck, look at that, that's my little bro," Daisya shakes his head with a grin.

A beat of sweat trails down Kanda's neck under the heat of the spot light, curving over his nipple and dripping slowly down his glaringly large tattoo on his chest and his abs—fuck, Lavi knew Kanda had a pretty hot bod from his obsessive working out regimes, but it was looking _particularly_ shiny this night. The neck collar and pants stays on, and just like that, Kanda hops down the stage, earning excited waves of wads of thick cash in his direction.

Kanda walks around non-pulsed, not even stopping when some try to shove the money down his pants—and it's definitely thanks to the no-leaving-your-seat rule that's he's not being mauled. It's the way that Kanda pads around like he's the predator and they're the prey, Lavi tries to swallow but his mouth is too dry.

It seems like Kanda finally picks someone at last, right in the line sight of their table, close enough to let them see everything. And by everything, it means how Kanda straddles the other with look nothing short of dark dominance and purposefully glances over once before turning his attention back and growling low. The man he's straddling doesn't get a chance to react before Kanda kisses him open mouthed, hot and slick.

Lavi has seen Kanda kissing other guys before but it is never this aggressive, the other man moaning deeply and whimpering at the sudden loss as Kanda steps back just as quick as he had sat down, arousal obvious for everyone to see.

Kanda licks in his bottom lip in slow show and turns away, this time eyes firmly set on Lavi.

"Dude, you ready?" Daisya whispers, excited.

Lavi would answer, but he's just in too much shock to really register anything. Before he knows it Kanda is on his lap, his arms around his neck. He gapes open-mouthed, and gasps when he feels Kanda's weight on his crotch—fuck, he's hard, so _hard_ and he didn't even realise.

"Uh, Y-yuu—"

"You wanted a lap dance, right?" Kanda's low growl mocks him challengingly, and it sends shivers down his neck.

Lavi swallows and gasps again when Kanda's hips gyrate, rubbing his ass right on his cock. Kanda leans in close, dark expression boring into his vision and Lavi breathes out, strained.

"F-fuck—"

Kanda snorts and creates that delicious friction again, rubbing his body right against Lavi's own, lips brushing teasingly over Lavi's ear. Kanda's teeth trails down the curve, tongue curling around the loop of his earring and he tugs it, just ever so slightly.

"Make sure you can afford me first," Kanda murmurs and gives his hips one last grinding, and Lavi comes with a groan, hands clinging desperately onto Kanda's hips.

He blinks, dazed as Kanda gets up from his lap with just a hint of a satisfied smirk and hops up to the stage, sauntering away without much care. The curtains closes after and disappointed murmurs fill the air.

A hand slaps his face and Lavi startles, clutching his cheek. "Fuck—what was that for?" he demands.

"Dude," Daisya looks pointedly at his ruined pants, and then back at him again. "I say you owe me a hundred. Not gay for my lil' bro my fucking ass."

"I—" Lavi starts, but then it's ridiculous because he's actually still _hard_. "Fine. Your bro is hot. That doesn't mean anything."

"Uh-huh," Daisya nods patronisingly. "You came in your pants in like, less than a minute. You owe me hundred."

"Fifty."

"Hundred, or Lenalee will hear of this."

"…You fucking asshole."

"I told ya—" Daisya grins with teeth. "Easy money."

* * *

So maybe, _maybe_, he made a mistake of underestimating his best friend Kanda fucking _stripper_ Yuu. Lavi sulks in his room that night, not bothering to open his door when he hears Kanda return home to annoy the other like he usually does.

He just can't wrap around the fact that he came in his pants—he had more control than that, definitely more control than orgasming from a lap dance from his fucking best friend!

Yeah, so what if Kanda is hotter than the general population? He is well aware of that. Well, well, _well_ aware.

Especially with that black collar. And tight pants. And fucking hot abs. And his tongue—fuck.

Okay maybe now he is _too_ aware.

He needs to sleep.

* * *

"Yuu…"

Lavi can't see anything but he does feel a slip of cloth tied around his eyes, and some kind of rope that binds his wrists apart. He tugs futilely, sucking in a shuddering breath when a warm tongue licks his throat.

Hot breath passes over his sensitive skin and he groans. "Yuu, let me touch you…"

The mouth ignores his pleas and trails lower, pressing hot kisses down his neck while fingers creep up his ribs.

He shivers. "Yuu…please…"

"No."

He swallows at the dark tone and struggles against his bonds, back snapping into an arch when a hand slips down the front of his crotch and cups his cock. "P-please…"

"No," the voice says again, pressure increasing on his erection, earning a broken moan from his throat.

He feels the knuckles of the hand stroking the downside of his cock, the fleeting touches too little through the fabric of his pants. And yet, he's ready to come.

"You can't afford me," the voice whispers, and this time bare fingers slip down his boxers and thumbs the slit of his cock.

"Y-yuu—…ngh—!"

Lavi snaps his eye wide open, breathing heavily. It takes a couple of seconds, but he sits up abruptly and immediately feels the sticky mess in his boxers.

"Fuck," he mutters, rubbing his face.

He needs the shower.

* * *

Lavi groans and jerks himself off furiously under the hot spray of the shower. This is fucking ridiculous because he's never been this horny _ever_. He's past his puberty spell, there's no reason why he gets hard at the memory of Kanda on his lap grinding his ass down.

He sucks in a frustrated breath and tries to think of everything but his flatmate—who is literally in the room next door—and imagines eating out the girl he met two months ago, except the girl had really nice long black hair, kind of like Kanda's—

He'd look up from his kneeling position on the ground and see Kanda's smirk.

_Swallow it._

Lavi moans as he comes, white liquid splattering against the shower wall. He groans frustrated and turns the tap to ice cold—and basically screams at the sudden change in temperature.

"F-fucking hell!"

* * *

Kanda is waiting for him outside when he steps out of the bathroom, and he startles so badly he nearly drops the towel around his waist.

"What happened?"

"What what happened?" Lavi asks carefully, securing his towel in place. As long as he doesn't get hard, Kanda will never know.

"You screamed like a fucking girl."

"I did not," Lavi frowns, affronted. "I turned the tap the other way by accident. The water was fucking cold."

Kanda snorts and gives him a once over. "Moron," he states, and then he squints. "Why the fuck are you staring at me like that?"

"Huh?" Lavi blinks, eyes snapping up when he realises he's been looking at the direction of his best friend's _dick_. "N-nothing!...Nothing," he coughs lowly. "Uh, can you let me read your essay?" he blurts.

Kanda looks at him incredulous, and scowls. And then Kanda punches his temple—it's half-hearted because it doesn't hurt as much as it can—and stalks away. "No. And you're going to be late."

"Late? I don't have a class on— oh _fuck_!"

* * *

True to his word, Kanda doesn't let Lavi peek at his essay. Well, generally Kanda doesn't let Lavi look at his coursework but Lavi always badgers and gets his way, hundred percent of the time. Except this time Lavi doesn't bother Kanda and stays locked in his room for the next three days with minimum sleep perfecting his five thousand word essay. It's a win-win situation because the less he sees Kanda the less likely his thoughts will fly to the much dirtier things, and the less he sleeps the less likely he'll wake up hard and aching with the automatic reflex to jerk off to Kanda's name.

He just needs good not-sexy sleep of his best friend because he's fucking tired of avoiding Kanda in the flat and also literally fucking tired, and he thinks today is the day he gets his well-deserved rest as he trudges slowly home right after handing his essay to the office a minute before the deadline. His bed sounds awesome.

And of course he doesn't expect Kanda to be standing at the doorway when he opens it, arms crossed and scowling darkly, because Kanda never waits for him. Ever. Okay, sometimes, but only when the other is pissed.

Like now.

"Hey, Yuu," he waves Kanda away. "I'm fucking tired. Move."

Kanda grabs his wrist instead and yanks him in. The back of Lavi's head hits their door as he gets cornered back to it.

"Ow."

"Why are you acting so weird?" Kanda demands, pressing his wrist against the hard wood.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't fuck with me," Kanda growls. "You're not even looking at me in the eye."

Lavi feels Kanda's heat just from the simple close contact and tries to edge back. "Uh," he manages as he forces himself to look back at Kanda just to prove the other wrong—but he gets suckered into the intensity of it, mouth turning dry.

"Lavi."

Kanda never calls him by his actual name—unless he's fucking serious. Lavi swallows.

"C-could you back up a bit?"

"No," Kanda presses him back harder. "What the fuck is up with you?"

"Give me some space, Yuu," Lavi uses his other hand to try to prod the other back, but Kanda grips his wrist tighter—there might be bruises, but Lavi just feels himself harden at the thought.

Fuck. This was going to end so badly.

"Tell me first," Kanda presses, and frowns when Lavi doesn't answer. "Is this about that fucking lap dance?"

"No, it's not about that fucking lap dance!" Lavi snaps, annoyed.

"So there is something. Then what the _fuck_ is it?"

"Since when do you care, Yuu?" he spits out, trying to ignore how uncomfortable his jeans are getting—oh god, if Kanda just leaned a bit closer and shifted his weight to the other leg, the other would feel it.

And of course, that's exactly what Kanda does. "I always—" Kanda stops abruptly, blinking.

He looks down once and experimentally shifts his weight again in confusion.

"F-fuck," Lavi sucks in a breath, the humiliation actually making him more turned on. "Don't move," he grits out.

Kanda steps back, releasing his grip slowly, but he doesn't walk away. Instead, he looks like he's waiting for Lavi to say something, of which, Lavi doesn't know what to say. They end up looking at each other in silence, with Kanda staring at him pointedly, and Lavi, still painfully hard.

"I—"

"What was that?" Kanda speaks over him.

Lavi casts his gaze on his feet, feeling his cheeks heat up. He _never_ blushes—he practically knew no shame, and yet in front of Kanda he can't think of some witty one-liner to laugh the situation off.

"You know what it is," he mumbles in such an uncharacteristic way that the silence from Kanda is probably just shock.

"Why?"

"…Uh…I—"

"Don't give me some shitty excuse."

Lavi scowls in frustration. "Why are you're so fucking demanding?" he accuses, jabbing his finger at Kanda's chest.

"Stop avoiding fucking question!" Kanda glares back and threatens to take a step closer.

Lavi isn't sure his heart can rocket anymore from this jittery tension. "Fine. _Fine_!" he yells. "I want to fuck you! Okay? I want to fuck you! It's that fucking lap dance!" he rants, angry. "I can't look at you without thinking of…of…of…" he groans. "Are you happy now, Yuu?" he sniffs indignantly. "You fucking oblivious asshole. I didn't want it to get weird between us if you knew, okay? You're best friend first and foremost and you're…you're _important_ to me and I—fuck," Lavi grumbles, crossing his arms. "…I'm not saying anything more."

Kanda stares at him open mouthed for at least a minute and Lavi wants to barge past him and forget this ever happened, but there is no space to.

"You still made it weird," Kanda says eventually.

"_Fuck you_, Yuu," Lavi huffs.

"If you want," Kanda replies, and Lavi's entire mind goes into shut down.

"…Uh—what?"

Kanda steps forward and Lavi steps backward in reflex, head knocking into the door again. "Ow, fuck—" he grabs the back of his head and winces.

Some sort of strangled coughing noise comes from Kanda and Lavi creaks his eye open.

"Are you…laughing?" Lavi blinks—because ever since he's met Kanda, he hasn't heard the guy laugh. At all. I mean, that's precisely one of the reasons why he was so convinced Kanda couldn't strip—the man barely had emotions other than anger, annoyance and anger—but he was proven so wrong.

Oh so wrong.

"At you, you fucking idiot," Kanda answers, and Lavi steps back again at the unexpected retort.

He doesn't bump his head again, but he is stuck with nowhere to go as Kanda just moves forward and plants his hands beside his head. Automatically his gaze flickers to Kanda's lips, and when he looks up, he knows Kanda had been watching every single movement.

He wets his lips, and that's when Kanda surges forward and crushes their mouths together, pushing his tongue inside. Lavi shivers at the feel of the other's slick and hot tongue invading, curling over his own and sucking deeply. He can't help but moan brokenly, eyes closed at the sinful sensation of their lips rubbing together. He kisses Kanda back desperately, trying to taste the other as much as possible—he never wondered how addictive Kanda would taste like, something so indescribable and so hot— he moans again when he feels a palm pressing against his arousal, breaking their kiss to breathe.

Kanda gives him one second grace before he's being devoured for the second time, hand on his crotch insistently rubbing slowly, not giving enough friction that causes his hips to jerk in tandem in the attempt to find more.

Lavi's hands scramble for purchase and ends up slipping it up Kanda's shirt, those delicious abs—he releases a quiet gasp when his jeans gets unbuttoned and the zipper follows slowly after. He pulls back abruptly.

"Wait," he breathes heavily, face flushed. "Is this a pity fuck?" he squints in confusion. "Why are you so chilled about this?"

Kanda stares back with his signature scowl. "Are you interested?"

Lavi just blinks in more confusion. "In what?"

"In me."

Lavi looks down at his cock and then back at Kanda again with a raised eyebrow. Kanda _completely_, _unexpectedly,_ drops to his knees and Lavi feels his dick twitch.

"You weren't interested before," Kanda says as he makes to pull Lavi's pants and boxers down.

"Wait, wait, fucking wait!" Lavi demands, gripping his pants in place. "You…you're interested in _me_? You _like_ me?" his facial expression twists into the most incredulous frown ever. "Since when? Since fucking when?" he wonders, almost hysterical. "You never came on to me! How the fuck did I not notice?"

"Is there no end to your stupidity?" Kanda breathes out at his hip, irritated.

"I top the fucking class, you loser."

"Apparently not for anything else," Kanda mutters, and roughly pulls his pants down.

Lavi doesn't know what to do but to freak out. _Holy shit—holy shit_. _Holy fucking shit_. "Yuu, if you do that I don't think I can—_ngh_!" he whimpers so pathetically that even he's sorry for himself, but it's because Kanda had taken his entire length into his mouth.

The hot skilful tongue laps at the underside of his leaking cock and he squirms, half pushing his dick deeper into Kanda's mouth, half trying to hold himself back from coming. "Y-yuu…oh god—f-fuck—" he hisses, hands griping into Kanda's scalp just to ground himself.

Kanda ignores him, making some swallowing motion that causes pleasant vibrations to thrumb around his extremely sensitive area. Lavi watches Kanda's mouth stretched around his cock in some sick fascination, and jerks when Kanda suddenly lifts his gaze and smirks.

"Y-yuu—I'm gonna…I'm gonna—"

Kanda makes another swallow and pulls his lips to the very tip, tongue pressing right on the slit. Lavi gasps loudly, chin tilted towards the ceiling. He doesn't manage words as he comes into Kanda's mouth, vision white and body shaking.

He slides down in a slump after, legs unable to hold him up.

He stares at Kanda and Kanda stares back. And then he watches Kanda swallow.

"…Fuck," he manages, still staring. "I…I want to fuck you," he growls out, voice guttural.

It's probably not a good idea to continue their activities on the floor but Lavi doesn't care, shoving Kanda down and meeting their mouths again as he clambers over. Kanda groans against his mouth but that might be because he's heavy and he's practically sitting on Kanda's stomach, but anyway Kanda moves to take off his shirt whilst in lip lock, and he rips Kanda's shirt apart, ignoring the buttons flying.

"Do you fucking know how much that shirt costs?" Kanda demands, but it goes ignored.

Lavi latches his mouth on Kanda's neck and sucks harshly, hands finding his nipples to tease. He's rewarded with Kanda's groan and stuttered breath and also a hand that wraps around his softened cock that starts to harden again. He purposefully slides his hips lower and grinds down, pressing against Kanda's own erection in his pants.

"Harder," Kanda breathes and he hastens to comply, rocking their hips faster.

"Fuck," Lavi mumbles, fumbling to pull Kanda's pants down, and after a minute of struggling they both manage to kick the unnecessary clothing away.

It again halts as Lavi stares and Kanda, and Kanda stares at Lavi. Naked, this time.

"Are you going to fuck me or what?" Kanda grinds out, hair now in an absolute mess spread out on the ground, but it really, just makes Lavi more turned on.

"Lube!" Lavi snaps his fingers. "I need to get the—"

"Don't care," Kanda growls and basically grips him by the neck, pulling him down.

They kiss messily for more minutes until Kanda pulls Lavi back by his hair. "What the fuck is it?"

Lavi takes a couple of seconds to breathe first. "Well, I…I've never fucked a guy, I might hurt you or something. So I think I should really get the lube."

Kanda rolls his eyes and grabs him down again and intends to flip them over, except, they're still in their tiny hallway. Lavi ends up being smacked into the wall before being smacked into the floor, with Kanda's own unforgiving weight as he straddles the other.

"OWW—FUCK!" Lavi yowls. "Ow, ow, _ow_."

"Shut up, the neighbours will hear us," Kanda hisses right before he bites on Lavi's neck.

"Dude, it fucking hurt!" Lavi snaps back just before he moans. "Ohh—"

He feels Kanda's breath on his neck and the squirming for a minute until he realises that Kanda is pressing two fingers into his hole, cursing inaudibly. It's an incredibly hot thought that threatens to leak pre-come, especially when Kanda bites his neck again and squirms, presumably pushing another finger in.

"Fuck, Yuu—"

He tries to crane his neck to see Kanda's expression, but it's too late because Kanda is positioning his hips over his, grabbing his hardened cock to press at his entrance.

This time, Kanda is over him pressing himself carefully down, and Lavi looks up, watching the flutter and gasps of breath that the other takes as he pushes down more. Kanda is always hot but this is _beyond_ hot—Lavi struggles not to jerk his hips up, gripping Kanda's waist.

When he's completely sheathed inside Kanda, he's breathing so hard he's sure he's going to get a panic attack.

Kanda pushes at his shoulder and arches own his back to take the first up movement—it's slippery from their pre-come but not slippery enough—it takes a bit of effort but eventually Kanda does set a slow pace, enough to make both of them groan. Fuck, the image of Kanda with his hair spilling over his shoulders and the arched beautiful body and hardened nipples and leaking cock and—Lavi reaches for Kanda and pulls him down to capture the moan as he thrusts up to meet Kanda's movement in synchrony, reaching a spot that makes Kanda curse.

"Fuck, L-lavi—"

Dear god, he has never heard Kanda moan his name like that—he barely hears Kanda say his name on a normal basis.

"Lavi—fuck—"

Kanda is _riding_ him, pushing down harder and rougher, and he grabs Kanda's thighs to pull the other even closer, both of them gasping from the deep pleasure.

"Come, Yuu, I want to see you come," Lavi murmurs, keeping his eye open as he kisses Kanda again, and Kanda trembles into his mouth, eyes tightly screwed shut.

It's the hottest thing he's ever seen in his life and it's inevitable that he comes hard immediately after, fingers leaving red marks on Kanda's thighs from the way he claws them desperately.

Both of them breathe heavily, Kanda, slumped on Lavi. Lavi blindly wraps his arm around the sweaty body and concentrates on breathing. He makes a noise of protest when Kanda moves to get up a minute after, though he looks down in time to see a white trail dripping down the other's thigh.

Fuck, if he had zero refractory period, he'd probably be hard again.

He snaps his eye open. "Condom. We didn't—"

"Doesn't matter," Kanda mutters as he elbows Lavi to shift for him to lie down. "I'm clean."

"But what if I'm not?" Lavi grumbles as he moves to make space—their hallway is too fucking small—who even thought it was a great fucking idea to fuck in the hallway?

"Are you?"

"Well, yeah, but—"

"Shut up, I'm tired," Kanda says over him, arm over his eyes.

Lavi does so, for like, three seconds.

"You like me," Lavi murmurs, turning his head to look at Kanda. "You _like_ me."

"Will you fucking shut up?" Kanda groans turning over to the other side.

"No fucking way," Lavi grins, arms grabbing Kanda's waist and shoves himself closer. "I thought Daisya was always just saying shit—"

"Daisya did _what_?" Kanda flips over so abruptly that they knock foreheads, resulting in pained curses.

"God, I feel like I lost a million neurons today," Lavi complains, rubbing his forehead, but Kanda yanks his chin and glares.

"What the _fuck_ did that fucking asshole say _this_ time?"

* * *

**End.**

* * *

**A/N:** Uh. Yeah.

:D

So they end up in some kind of friends-with-benefits sex life until some time later Lavi realises he's in _love_ and he tells Kanda this and Kanda's like 'about fuckin' time'. Lavi will be like 'what the fuck _since when_ were _you_ in love with me?' ahahaha dumb assholes


End file.
